I got a parking ticket last time I parked in the DU law school lot with a valid Dean’s Office permit. Because I’m related to Peter and Bruce Robertson, I could not just stfu and pay it.  I had to appeal.  I was all ready to write a blistering letter and submit a copy of my permit, when I read the fine print on the ticket and learned that I could appeal online.  After being forced to create a DU Parking Account, I was confronted with this language.

Please read carefully before submitting.

All valid appeals will be presented to the University of Denver’s Parking Citation Appeal Supervisor. The Appeal Supervisor will undertake an impartial review of the circumstances surrounding the issuance of the citation(s) and provide a decision to the Department of Parking Services, which will then notify you, the appellant.

ALL DECISIONS REACHED BY THE APPEAL SUPERVISOR ARE CONSIDERED BINDING AND CONSTITUTE THE FINAL DISPOSITION OF THE APPEAL.

The burden of proof in the appeal rests with the appellant. Denial of an appeal makes the designated fine due and payable by the new designated due date. Any fine not paid by the deadline will be declared delinquent and it’s value elevated in accordance with our established policy.

The following are NOT valid grounds for appeal: (a) lack of available parking, (b) disregarding University parking rules and regulations, (c) length of time in violation area, (d) failure to observe posted signs and pavement markings, (e) class/instruction or meeting ran late, (f) faculty/staff other than Parking Services directed you to park in violation area, (g) non-receipt of the citation(s), and (h) possession of a valid DU parking permit, but not displaying it properly.

Frivolous or Abusive Appeals: If the Appeal Supervisor determines that an appeal is deemed frivolous or abusive in nature, the appeal is immediately denied and the full amount of the citation due within 15 days of the courts notification/decision letter. A “frivolous” appeal is defined as a bad faith or trivial appeal that is filed completely without merit in law or fact and cannot be supported by a reasonable argument. Other grounds classifying an appeal as frivolous or abusive may include, but are not limited to, appeals that use profanity and/or derogatory or threatening statements towards Parking Services staff members. All decisions by the appeal Supervisor to designate an appeal as frivolous or abusive are considered final. No further appeals can be filed.

The appeal process was established to provide an official mechanism for individuals who feel they were issued a citation that is not warranted or unjustly received. The appeals process is NOT the appropriate avenue for general criticism, complaints, or policy debates. Those arguments should be addressed in a letter to the Director of Parking Services.

By submitting this form, I certify that the information I provided is true and accurate and that I have read, fully understand and agree with the regulations, guidelines and instructions of this appeal, under penalties of the University of Denver Honor Code and the University’s Parking and Traffic Rules and Regulations.

Seriously?  I’d like to know which of the pointy-headed law professors at the DU Sturm College of Law was responsible for this verbiage?  Or perhaps the whole mess is karma for the fact that I drove five (5) blocks from home to park at the law school.