Polycom saves Thanksgiving from the TSA

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Here at Fox & Robertson World Headquarters, we’ve spent a lot of time figuring out how not to travel.  I could list all the reasons but let’s face it, travel sucks.  And travel sucks worse in a power wheelchair than just ordinary suckdom.  “I’m sorry sir, we left your wheelchair on the runway in San Francisco; it will be here on the next plane.”  etc etc.  I’m pretty sure Tim at least got some serious drink vouchers out of that one.

But the good news is:  the results of our extensive anti-travel research can save the world from the TSA gropers … and hours of family tedium too.  I present:  the video conference Thanksgiving!

This is how we do depositions now; why not family dinners?  Instead of schlepping through airports and spending money on hotels just to ask some clown a couple of questions under oath, we drive 10 minutes to Hunter & Geist where our buddy Dan sets us up in front of a video monitor with all sorts of fun remotes to play with.  In addition to not traveling, and being back home by dinner, this system offers a number of other advantages, like only having to dress up from the waist up.  (I do recommend *dressing* from the waist down, but you only need to wear a suit from the waist up.)

With this same technology, you can enjoy a happy Thanksgiving with your loved ones from around the country without anyone having to travel:

But wait!  There’s more!  When Thanksgiving dinner starts to sound like this:

That’s where the remote comes in.  For example:

One button that would be very important to me:
And what a time saver the picture-in-picture feature is!

But here’s my favorite feature:

It’s sort of like chatroulette:  you push the button, and you can completely bail on your family for a random different family.   For example, perhaps you prefer a more traditional family:

Or a happy family:

Or a cartoon family:

Or simply a family that gathers for Thanksgiving dinner in their underwear:

All of these things are possible — without [unwelcome] groping — through the miracle of videoconferencing.

9 thoughts on “Polycom saves Thanksgiving from the TSA”

  1. Dan

    Great idea. Incidentally, my friend who used to be a Republican got groped in an airport shortly after 9/11. Her (ample) bra set off the metal detector, and they asked her to come into the back room. She said, “If you’re going to feel me up, do it right here in front of everyone.” They did, she went home and made a contribution to the ACLU, and has voted Democrat ever since.

    Happy Thanksgiving from your cousin.

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  4. Amy Adams

    Photoshop skills are strong in this one, padawan.

    We’ve Skyped Thanksgiving with Cris’s brother (and his family) for a couple of years now, as they live in Japan. So we set up the laptop on the buffet, and as we have traditional TDay food, we get kibbitzing from the Japanese Alps, and even a demonstration of just how big a snowblower you need to handle 15 feet of snow.

    Now, how do I get one of those awesome remotes?

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  5. B-Rob

    Friggin’ hilarious. I’m all in!

    Dan – are you suggesting that only Republicans grope women in public or support groping women in public? If you’re suggesting that random invasive screening of non-threatening looking people is stupid and that perhaps we should screen only “high risk” people, I think you’ll find some Republican support for that. But, you might piss off your friends at the ACLU.

    Amy – you can hit the “mute political discord” button on the remote now, but wait, before you do, just one more thing:

    FORTY-TWO TO TEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  6. Amy Robertson Post author

    @Denver – I figured we’d all gather together in front of the webcam and people could dial us up as “that weird family with the peanut butter joke.”

    @Dan – apparently there have been several excellent protests involving travelers stripping to their undies and then refusing to be x-rayed or groped on the theory that there is no longer anywhere to hide anything. I am deeply disappointed in myself for the fact that my modesty exceeds my smartassery, and I would personally be unable to carry that off.

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