Category Archives: Random Smartassery

Searching for tester standing (possibly my law-nerdiest post yet).

More accurately, searching for tester /s standing; yielded this gem:

the … court found that items such as a pry bar, an electric circuit tester, a flashlight, and a feeler gauge were not criminal instruments even when found on a person standing in a pawn shop doorway at two o’clock in the morning.

Nobby Lobby, Inc. v. City of Dallas, 970 F.2d 82, 90 (5th Cir. 1992).  And I really don’t want to know what a Nobby Lobby is, though I’m hoping they are infringing the heck out of Hobby Lobby.

Pants

Item 1:  Advances in Medical Modesty.  During yesterday’s installment of the Further Adventures of Amy’s Scoliosis, I was offered not only the traditional hospital gown, but these attractive . . . disposable basketball shorts?   Designed to be one-size-fits-all, they were really more like capris on me, but I did appreciate the coverage.

Image: a pair of hospital-blue enormously baggy and shapeless shorts made of some sort of reinforced paper product.

Item 2:  I have identified the Worst Pants Ever, possibly the Worst Clothing Item Ever:  Goat Suede Track Pants.  You might think this comes from a Seinfeldian parody of the J. Peterman Catalog, but it is actually on offer from the good folks at Orvis for the entirely reasonable price of $395.

Image: What more do I need to say than "goat suede track pants." They are rust brown, made of goat skin, and shapelessly elasticized.

I’ll just stick with my LL Bean mom jeans, thanks.

Biglaw Firm Decimates Summer Associate Program | Above the Law

http://abovethelaw.com/2015/06/biglaw-firm-decimates-summer-associate-program/

But think of the SOCIETAL cost as packs of feral law students roam the hot summer streets in their new suits looking for $100 lunches and getting in knife fights over memo formatting.

ADA Defense Counsel Bingo

A hilarious Graduation Bingo card has been making the rounds of Facebook, with squares like “ethnic name is awkwardly pronounced” and “someone in your line of sight is wearing Canucks gear.”  Evidently, the graduation was in Vancouver.

This inspired me to compose ADA Defense Counsel Bingo.  (MS Word version here.)MS Word Version at https://thoughtsnax.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/opposing-counsel-bingo.docx  Some of these are more common than others; all of these are real.

 

Finally – Supreme Court oral arguments are televised!

This is brilliant!

 

 

(h/t The Mahablog and my mom.)

However, I do have to point out that we were there first!

Image: photo of irresistably cute golden retriever puppy with the words "Title III of the ADA governs businesses like stores, restaurants, and theaters.

(Cross-posted at CREECblog.)

Available for Adoption: One reasonably devoted baseball fan.

Since the recent attempt to sell the Rockies on Craigslist* and my attempt to convince my brother to undertake a humanitarian venture capital mission to purchase the team have both apparently failed, I’m forced to put my fandom up for adoption.

My ad:

Born a Washington Senators fan.  Orphaned in 1971.  Short foster team relationships with the Baltimore Orioles, Richmond Braves, and Minnesota Twins.  Genetic fandom of St. Louis Cardinals.  Adopted by the Colorado Rockies in 1995.  Abandoned in 2014.

Can explain the infield fly rule, but cannot tell one pitch from another.  Willing to bring ancient baseball mitt to games.  Prefers high-scoring home-run-intense games to pitchers’ duels.  Needs playing field with good views and decent beer.  Will not do “the wave.”  Will check scores on CBS Sports app during dinner when result actually matters.  Prefers team with owner who gives a shit, preferably two, and sufficient front-office talent to spell players’ names correctly.  Willing to wear team colors, paint toenails to match.  Currently in possession of and routinely wears Elway jersey and old-logo Broncos sweatshirt.  Not afraid of face paint for playoffs.

Image:  Photo of white woman's face, smiling, with short brown hair and the logo of the Colorado Avalance (a maroon A with a swoop of white snow) painted on her face.

In other words, loyal to team that earns it.

Please contact the Fan Adoption Agency to set up a homestudy.

*******

*  Craigslist took down the ad, but Westword got the screenshots.

Image: Screenshot from Craigslist ad: "Barely use Major League Baseball team, taxpayer financed stadium - $575 (20th & Blake)" with a photo of a baseball stadium and a map showing 20th and Blake Streets in Denver.

Two more reasons I love this country.

Two articles from Talking Points Memo:   “Topless Texans Spar with Open Carry Activists: ‘Boobs for Peace!‘”

 

Image:  Photo of topless woman showing her head (wearing straw hat with feathers) to the tops of her breasts.  Headline reads "Topless Texans Spar with Open Carry Activists: 'Boobs for Peace!'"

 

And “Satanists Cite Hobby Lobby for Exemption from Anti-Abortion Laws.”

Image:  Satanic symbol with the headline "Satanists Cite Hobby Lobby For Exemption from Anti-Abortion Laws."