Category Archives: Random Smartassery

Wanted: foreign affairs journalist to cover events in Ferguson, Minneapolis, and Cleveland.

Sometimes I think journalists don’t even read their own articles — or internalize their own hot air.  In this Sunday’s New York Times, Ellen Barry writes about a murder case in India in which caste affiliation gets in the way of justice.  Early in the piece, she grills the local constable, gets pushback, and examines her navel a bit:

Over the past decade, in Russia and then India, I have been asked versions of this question hundreds of times: Who are you to come here and tell us what is wrong with our system? And it’s true, the whole enterprise of foreign correspondence has a whiff of colonialism. During the years I have worked abroad, Americans’ interest in promoting their values in the world has receded, slowly and then precipitously. I doubted the regional hegemons filling the vacuum would do better, but still, I wasn’t sure it was such a bad thing.

(Emphasis, as the law nerds say, added.)  So, cool, I think, she’s just a little bit self-aware about her privileged position and first-world filter.  But after reporting that the local justice system refused to recognize a murder as a murder — based on caste loyalty — she sheds her self-awareness like a gossamer scarf:*

Sometimes it seemed that the European legal system, with its liberal emphasis on individual rights, had settled only lightly on a country fixated on the rights of groups. Political leaders have driven this deeper into the culture: Equality, in India, is equality among groups. Justice is group justice.

Perhaps her next colonial assignment should be Ferguson.  Or Minneapolis.  Or Baltimore.  Or Cleveland.  Or New York.  I’d be interested in the promotion of American values in those far flung locales.

********

*I’m picturing a blonde woman — perhaps in a perfume ad — running in slow mo as the scarf of self awareness floats gracefully up and away from her.**

**Note the latest in accessible images:  the image-free image description.

Bathroom segregation as it should be.

Image:  Two bathroom doors.  The one on the left has a stick figure of a human and below it, the words “People who don’t pee on seats or floors, don’t steal plumbing fixtures or toilet paper rolls, throw paper towels in trash cans, flush, and only write witty and  entertaining graffiti.”  The one on the right has a stick figure of a pig’s face and below it, the words “People who pee on seats and floors, steal plumbing fixtures and toilet paper rolls, throw paper towels on floor,  don’t flush, and write disgusting or boring graffiti.”

 

 

Searching for tester standing (possibly my law-nerdiest post yet).

More accurately, searching for tester /s standing; yielded this gem:

the … court found that items such as a pry bar, an electric circuit tester, a flashlight, and a feeler gauge were not criminal instruments even when found on a person standing in a pawn shop doorway at two o’clock in the morning.

Nobby Lobby, Inc. v. City of Dallas, 970 F.2d 82, 90 (5th Cir. 1992).  And I really don’t want to know what a Nobby Lobby is, though I’m hoping they are infringing the heck out of Hobby Lobby.

Pants

Item 1:  Advances in Medical Modesty.  During yesterday’s installment of the Further Adventures of Amy’s Scoliosis, I was offered not only the traditional hospital gown, but these attractive . . . disposable basketball shorts?   Designed to be one-size-fits-all, they were really more like capris on me, but I did appreciate the coverage.

Image: a pair of hospital-blue enormously baggy and shapeless shorts made of some sort of reinforced paper product.

Item 2:  I have identified the Worst Pants Ever, possibly the Worst Clothing Item Ever:  Goat Suede Track Pants.  You might think this comes from a Seinfeldian parody of the J. Peterman Catalog, but it is actually on offer from the good folks at Orvis for the entirely reasonable price of $395.

Image: What more do I need to say than "goat suede track pants." They are rust brown, made of goat skin, and shapelessly elasticized.

I’ll just stick with my LL Bean mom jeans, thanks.

Biglaw Firm Decimates Summer Associate Program | Above the Law

http://abovethelaw.com/2015/06/biglaw-firm-decimates-summer-associate-program/

But think of the SOCIETAL cost as packs of feral law students roam the hot summer streets in their new suits looking for $100 lunches and getting in knife fights over memo formatting.

ADA Defense Counsel Bingo

A hilarious Graduation Bingo card has been making the rounds of Facebook, with squares like “ethnic name is awkwardly pronounced” and “someone in your line of sight is wearing Canucks gear.”  Evidently, the graduation was in Vancouver.

This inspired me to compose ADA Defense Counsel Bingo.  (MS Word version here.)MS Word Version at https://thoughtsnax.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/opposing-counsel-bingo.docx  Some of these are more common than others; all of these are real.