Had a nice chat session with Dell technical support.  Little did I know I was talking to the Czar!

Unfortunately, the Czar’s powers did not extend to figuring out why my battery won’t charge, so I have to send my laptop back to Dell.  So I’ll have to spend a couple of days writing with a chisel and a rock, that is, my ca. 2005 IBM ThinkPad.  Sigh.