Everyone in our neighborhood just got this email from one of the moms on the block
I think we knew this day was coming…With the warm weather (and growing sense of mischief), [our son] and his 14 yr. old pals have taken to roaming the neighborhood after dark. You may have noticed some tree decorating at our house last night and a roaming band of hooded boys walking openly down the street. What you may NOT have noticed was [our son] hiding in various yards wearing his full ghillie suit (Aussie camo garb) crouching in bushes trying to scare his friends. They seem to mostly be up to harmless pranks and of course, we have tried to impress upon him to be respectful of the neighborhood. BUT, they are 14, and [our son] is now 5’10” and looks like a full size adult. So we thought it appropriate to warn everyone so you would not be alarmed at first sight of them, if you see them. And of course, let us know if they cause real trouble or damage. Otherwise, feel free to holler at them and send them on their way! Expect another warning email in about 18 months when [our son] starts driving.
On another note, [our son is] looking for ways to earn some money over the summer, so if you are in need of dog walking, dog/cat sitting, house sitting or lawn mowing or general yard work help, please let us know.
My first thought was: but they’re white; what are they worried about? Their kid is free to dress in camo, hide in the bushes, roam the neighborhood in a hoodie,* and likely survive any chance encounters with the police.
Then I thought: We live in Denver — are even white parents scared of the DPD?
Then I thought: Mostly harmless?** Maybe I should be concerned.
Then I thought: Wow, what an awesome job rec for your son! I’m totally going to give him the keys to my house and ask him to feed my pets while I’m away.
Then I just thought wtf. Seriously, wtf.
*I’m really hoping “hooded” means “wearing a hoodie” and not “wearing that other sort of hood that’s getting a lot of press these days.”
** Though Hitchhikers fans will recall that this was the Guide‘s one-line description of Earth. Then again, I’m not sure how comforting that is.