New Rule: You get 8 lines for your signature block, no mas!

Here are things that are reasonable to include in an email signature block:

  • Your name.
  • Your title (1 line max; more than that and you have a megalomania problem).
  • Your company name and possibly a *small* logo.
  • Your address (3 lines max; I don’t need to know the name of your building).
  • Your phone number (1 line; no one uses a fax machine; join the 21st century!  And no one uses TTY – learn to send/receive video relay).
  • Your company’s website and possibly one or two other social media sites (e.g. Twitter).

Things that are not OK and just end up making any email chain a total pain in the ass to scroll through:

  • Your email address.  You’re emailing me, you dork!  I have your email address.
  • Giant, complex, byte-hungry logos.
  • Assertions that the content is privileged, confidential, top secret, need-to-know basis only, destroy after reading.  The circumstances and participants will determine this; not magic words.
  • Long-winded ass-covering language that the email does not contain legal advice unless it does and it really doesn’t contain tax advice unless it does.
  • Delusional requests to delete the email if you are not the intended recipient.
  • Lectures on thinking about the environment before printing the email.  These always make me want to print 100 copies of it and then burn them to generate additional greenhouse gases.
  • Anything that moves.

The grumpy old woman email goddess has spoken.  Any questions?

8 thoughts on “New Rule: You get 8 lines for your signature block, no mas!

  1. B-Rob

    I just snorted an entire Starbucks Venti Pike Roast out my nose. Friggin’ hilarious and so true. I especially love the admonishment not to print the e-mail. Really? How else can I get through all my e-mails? My secretary prints them all out and puts them on my desk every morning. I just wish I could figure out how to print my text messages.

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    1. Amy Robertson Post author

      Much as I hate the instructions to think about the environment, I have to ask: what century are you living in? Do you reply to these pieces of paper using a quill pen or a telegraph machine? IIRC, you were at the cutting edge of the Palm Pilot revolution — and now you’re printing emails?

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  2. B-Rob

    C’mon sis. I know it’s only, uh what time is it in Denver? Um, um, never mind. Can’t figure it out. It’s early. You need to drink more coffee before responding to comments. I was kidding!

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