My $150 investment in figuring out I’m not a landscape photographer.

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So I took the Ferrari out for a spin — the fancy lens that I rented for our Las Vegas trip — and made an important discovery: I’m really much happier with my Honda, photographically speaking.

That is, I really prefer macro-like or at least small-scale photography to landscape photography, at least for my own shooting. I guess I should have figured this out, since my preferred photographic genre is Random Shit. But I thought I’d see what I could do with a giant lens that could open up to f2.0 through the entire zoom range of 35-100MM. (Photo nerds – did I say that right?) A lens that was described in reviews as having “buttery soft bokeh, with a good nose, hoppy notes, and a peaty finish.” Or something like that.

Of course, I can’t blame the incredible lens for my lack of skill and preparation. I actually did a lot of theoretical preparation — checked the time of sunrise on The Photographers’ Ephemeris and set an early wake-up call — to make sure I was at Red Rock Canyon for the beautiful early morning light. But it turned out that I’d miscalculated sunrise, and I then found myself — this was both hilarious and devastating to my carefully-planned timing — unable to make the stove work in our hotel kitchenette,* requiring additional time to grab some breakfast on the way.

By the time I got there, it was long past sunrise, but I still got some pretty cool shots:

And, um, WHEW:

When I got bored with taking landscape photos, I took a couple of exposure-bracketed shots and had fun with HDR,** which at this point requires no talent whatsoever. I toss three bracketed photos into Photomatrix Essentials, and voila! HDR!

But not just default HDR, “painterly” HDR:

“surreal” HDR:

and “black & white artistic” HDR:

I’m a regular Ansel Adams!

Stop her before she noodles again!

At this point in the morning, I switched to my Nifty Fifty*** and took the sort of photos I enjoy both shooting and looking at later. For example, I like the landscape on top of a cactus

more than the landscapes above.

Here are some more sorta kinda**** macro — or at least small & random — photos.

More fun with HDR:

And some fun with Lightroom:

I had hiked the first couple of miles of the 13-mile circuit through Red Rock Canyon, then hiked back to the car — that’s serious distance for this desk potato! — and drove the rest of the way around the Scenic Drive.

I stopped at the High Point Overlook for lunch and more amazing scenery.

Met a couple of cyclists and convinced one to take a photo of me and my cool rental car. One of them explained that he was going to do “18 or 19 miles today.” I said, “wow – 19 miles!” He said — you saw this coming, right? — “No. 90 miles. 9-0.”

Oddly, I completely failed to convince Tim that I encountered carnivorous wildlife on my hike with either this photo

or this one.

As you can see from the previous two photos, the final stop on my Red Rock Canyon Adventure was the Visitor Center, where I strolled past a lot of the sort of informative displays that I’ve been studiously ignoring since elementary school field trips, but did get to meet Maxine the tortoise:

All in all, a gorgeous and satisfying photographic outing!

Extra bonus photo of Shibuya, the excellent sushi restaurant where Tim took me to dinner. I love the food and the decor. It feels like you’re dining in your own private tree house!

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*In my defense, neither could Tim or our assistant, Dustin, who can make *anything* work. Nor did housekeeping have a clue — they had the hotel engineer come by later in the day and write out instructions.

** From time to time, I remember what this stands for. Not just now, though. But it means superimposing three differently-exposed shots to take advantage of the good exposure in each.

*** OK OK, Nifty Forty-Nine.

**** I don’t think the Nifty Forty-Nine counts as a macro lens, strictly speaking.

Sit! Stay! Code!

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Saguaro is all set to receive legal software training.

We recently needed to purchase a fourth license for our favorite legal software to install on our remote server. Unfortunately, there are only three of us (me, Tim, paralegal extraordinaire Caitlin) and the company would not issue two licenses to one person. I emailed our rep, “Hmmm. No. Just the 3 of us. And the dog: Saguaro.”

Demonstrating why we love this software and this rep,* she responded:

Ok, so……all kidding aside…I am going to have to assign the license to Saguaro. LOL! … He is going to be contacted for training!

He got his license in the next email:

Dear Saguaro:

Thank you for being a registered licensee for [Software].

Here’s the link to download our … Suite of Software Tools:

. . .

Here is your [Software] Registration Information:

Registration Name: Saguaro Fox

Registration ID:

And, as promised, he was contacted for training.

Hi Saguaro,

My name is [Name], I work in the [Software] training & support department and will be your go to resource for [Software] questions.

I thought I’d check in to introduce myself and see how you’re doing with [Software] tools so far.

And so on.

If Chinook can learn legal research

Saguaro can master this software!

And for your entertainment, my other attempts to pose Saguaro and a laptop.

Aaaaaand “Why do you keep making me put my paws there? I’m done now.”

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*Both the software and the rep will remain nameless, so as not to get anyone in trouble. Suffice it to say, it’s not Summation: in my experience, their reps have no sense of humor whatsoever.

We need a general anti-butthead law.

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With fee shifting.

Consider the following case:

A senior at an Albuquerque Catholic high school identifies as a boy and wants to wear a black gown — along with all the other boys — for graduation. Unfortunately, his birth certificate identifies him as a girl, which is the only criterion his high school considers in dictating that he wear a white gown, the color assigned to girls.

This case, although likely tough to bring under current antidiscrimination law, would be resolved on a plaintiff’s summary judgment motion under the Anti-Butthead Act, the key provision of which reads, “Don’t be a butthead.” The high school, although fully entitled to implement whatever religious principles it wants,* is being buttheaded about a very simple thing. Let the kid wear whatever damn gown he wants.

His family says

they’re not expecting the school to change policy by next week, but hope the school would consider eventually having all students wear the same colored gowns to avoid the situation all together.

Laudable non-buttheaded thinking!

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*I am completely unqualified to opine on Christian doctrine, but I thought it had more to do with loving your fellow human than what color gown he’s wearing.

The upside down logic of executing Nathan Dunlap

QOTRSTI:* Eddie Izzard on being a transvestite

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I’ve grown comfortable with it. If anyone has a problem with that, they can see a psychiatrist and work on their problem.

In Vanity Fair, June 2013.

Reminds me of this excellent SNL parody ad. Homocil: Because it’s your problem, not theirs.

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* “Quote of the Randomly Selected Time Interval.” Because “Quote of the Day” would be too much pressure.

Like renting a Ferrari to a teenager.

El Diablo closed. Donate to CCDC. QED.

One of these is not like the other.

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Apparently it’s OK to shoot your sibling or get plastered and shoot your hunting buddy, but not to have a curious and experimental mind. (I did enjoy the “category” assigned the first article by the Miami New Times.)

Remembering Chinook

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We said goodbye to our sweet Chinook a couple of weeks ago. Herewith a couple (OK a ton) of photos.

We tried, for a very short time, to train him as a service dog. The failure of that project was a reflection only on us. Well, and you can sort of sense his attitude in this picture.